Every morning after I get off the train, I stop at Flour Bakery + Café on Dalton Street because if you BYO cup, you get coffee for $1.50.
Their coffee is delicious, and the pastry game is epic.
I usually skip the food and just get coffee. They know me now, so they grab my cup and ask, “Dark or medium?”
Except for last week. My friend at the register said, “What do you want today besides your coffee?”
The upsell skillz caught me off guard.
She must’ve seen the eyeballing the blueberry muffins next to the currant oat scones.
And before I could say “No thanks, just coffee,” I heard myself blurt, “Blueberry muffin.”
In the space of two seconds, I noticed multiple thoughts.
I mean what kind of morning crazy pants must I BE just to get coffee when this pastry repast splays itself so wantonly before my gaze?
And
I mean, I don’t want to disappoint the employees of Flour Bakery + Café by not ordering a sunrise carbohydrate.
My mind was Jim Carrey’s Grinch yes-no-no-yes monologue.
So, out the door with my little blueberry muffin brown bag I departed.
I tell the pedagogy students at the Conservatory that we make a plan so that the plan will change.
And the plan always changes.
It makes me think about how we know exactly how a song is going to go.
We know who we’re going to sing to. We know we’re on that park bench next to the sycamore tree where the pigeon pooped on our shoulder that time.
We know what our imaginary partner just said during the introduction to make us sing the opening line of our song.
We smell the spring tulips growing in the flower bed next to the tree. We even crafted some swans gliding across the water in the distant pond.
Then we get on the stage or in the room, and all we can think about is how fast our heart is beating, wondering if we remembered to zip in the bathroom, and that the gap in the curtains we chose to sing toward just looks like a gap in the curtains. Where’s the sycamore tree with its dappled bark????
All the things we imagined aren’t coming up like they did in the shower.
So, we focus harder.
Usually, this leads to existential pain and your consciousness hovering out like a critical drone shooting comments into your brain while you’re just trying to tell the story you so meticulously devised.
You weren’t planning on someone asking you what you wanted with your coffee.
But see, you made a plan. And you have to make a plan so that the plan can change.
So, say “thank you” to the rapid heartbeat.
Check your zipper or just accept it it might be down.
And remember that you can look at a gap in a curtain and let it be a curtain gap.
In the meantime, why don’t you go ahead and take the pressure off of you to focus so hard on yourself partner?
Think of all the serious conversations you’ve had with folks only to notice that your attention wandered.
All that to say, we made a plan. Now it’s going to change. And we just have to deal with it. And that can be exciting.
This is super true in big life as well.
Back in 2019 in the before times, the Callaways were planning to move to the Jersey ‘burbs.
I was up for a job at NYU and was on campus for final interviews on March 9, 2020. A lot of people found that their plans drastically changed around that day.
But we’d made a plan, and we were making steps. Then, new information directed us in other ways.
The closed the door in NYC meant I got to spend one more year at Elon. That year deepened and sweetened my love for teaching and clarified the privilege that I have to walk alongside singers like you.
It also opened the way for us to head to the Boston area and for this gift of a job at the Conservatory.
This was nowhere on my radar when Melissa and I were pulling carrots out of our front yard garden in Los Angeles 10 years ago.
This is all to encourage you that it’s all right if you feel blindingly clue free at the moment.
Take out a piece of paper and write down at the top “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”
Then write a few things down.
Make some plans, and take some steps. Google a thing. Write an email to someone who knows something about something.
The original plan you have won’t be what it looks like later. Just know that.
I believe what comes will be even better.
Make a plan so the plan will change. It’s probably going to be frustrating. But if you just keep taking steps and adjusting to what comes, you’re going to find satisfaction and gratification in walking toward what you know to be the direction of your contribution.
Some days you may purchase an unexpected blueberry muffin.
Other days, it’s being amused that your brain’s thinking about pop tarts, instead of your song scenario.
And other weeks it’s letting yourself feel sad about a closed door and waiting with expectancy to know which direction to go now that you’ve been redirected.
Make a plan so the plan can change.
And I suggest one of your plans can be to sing something today because there is only one you and folks need to hear the story only you can sing.
Love much, Dan
PS It’s Melissa’s Birthday today! I made her a chocolate cake with cherry buttercream frosting. I had a terrific plan to make some cherry syrup that I was going to drizzle over the top. It ended up looking more smeared-atop-an-English-muffin than boulangerie dreams, but I’m confident it’ll taste nice.
Oh, here’s the only chocolate cake recipe I use. You won’t find a yummier one.
PPS In the plans changing category for this week, we were having a fun time drawing pictures yesterday morning.
Noah tried to copy a picture of a helicopter I’d drawn, and when he got frustrated with his attempt, he wadded up the paper and threw it in the kitchen trash. I fished it out and asked him what was up. He was really sad and frustrated that he couldn’t draw the helicopter the way I drawn it. I got out the crayons and made a little creation with what he’d done. I was pretty pleased with our collab 🙂
Poor kid has inherited my perfectionism gene. I seriously pray I can help him navigate it early.
PPPS if there are any typos or horrible grammatical errors present in this email, I’m going to blame our younger nugget Jude. Here’s a snapshot of my experience getting this email sent out to you today.
