I want to publish a novel, write a musical that gets produced in a beautiful way, and a play, too. I want to publish books on singing and healing, teach workshops in New York and London, host retreats in the country, help theatre singers with tool-packed videos, sing recitals, write and produce a one-person show, and share what’s helped me with as many folks as want to hear it.

I think?

I wanna be a loving hubster, a sturdy and present dad, a good son, a ready friend, and a contributor. Oh, and do a solid job at work.

Thing is — the list in paragraph one sounds satisfying and worthwhile (and something my ego would like on the CV), but I don’t know what I expect the list to do. And I don’t know what I hope to experience by checking off novels, plays, and books.

But I admit something turned over in my brain on birthday 45.

If I live to 90, that’s half way. And time feels more like a speeding train than a gentle stream.

I believe I’m an eternal soul, but I want this finite timeline to be rich and to invest love into the world. I want people I meet to experience beauty, healing, and hope.

I’m one little billionth of a billionth, and I want my atom to count.

To count means to add up to something and give something substantial, rich, and nourishing.

Can two things be true here? A trust in life’s unfolding (fifteen years ago I had no idea where I’d be today) together with an urgency to know what my task is and fiery energy to share it well.

Share.

That’s the word that always comes up in my guts when I pray about this.

What am I supposed to focus on?

Share.

So, that’s what I’m doing. Sharing this with you. And I include you in my prayer — that your life will unfold with delightful surprises and that you’ll have the wisdom to collaborate with them.

(Today’s my younger son Jude’s 4th birthday. I didn’t know if Melissa and I would get to have any children much less the surprise of our little tender tornado.)

End of the day, whether it’s a play, a book, a lesson, a class, a blog, a joke, a meal, or a word of encouragement — does the way I interact with you leave behind a trail that I’m proud of?

That question helps me relax and trust the place on the timeline I’ve been blessed to be surprised by.