Category: Uncategorized (Page 8 of 8)

Nearly every time she asks me this question, no matter how well my week is going, how happy I feel, it is that moment when her wise gaze casts a clear, soft light on some deep hurts that I forgot that I was carrying around in my emotional Red Rider wagon.

It’s good that I forget. If I thought about them all the time (like I did in my twenties), I’d be a non-functioning, narcissistic mess. (Yes, I was kind of like that in my twenties.) We’re not supposed to think about our hurts all the time. That’s why God gave us denial and subconscious minds.

This is also why I take time each week to go in and address these forgotten things in the presence of a wise witness who, as my Uncle Joe Bill Jessup likes to say, has seen the monkey dance.

(Speaking of a witness, can you draw the connection to how these things come up when we stand in front of people to sing, act, whatever?)

The hurts and wounds we sustain in our lives, either by the wrong that’s been done to us, the wrong we’ve done, or our reactions to the wrong, have a way of hiding out in our souls. They then mysteriously coordinate to run a background software that, in turns, tells us how grandiosely special we are and then take out the Louisville Sluggers they have hidden behind their backs and beat the emotional tar out of us. It’s a complicated, masochistic kind of dance, and we all know it. Especially if you have a passion to perform. We performers live on the Island of Misfit Toys.

I want to share a few keys with you that have helped me on my way.

Look outside. When the junk starts talking in your head, when you are feeling less-than, constricted, and on the verge of hopeless, you have to actively look out. Number one, log off of Facebook, then ask yourself, whom can you help? Whom can you encourage? Who could use a phone call (not a text) from you?

You will not feel immediately better. You will feel like crawling back into your cave to sort through all the various crap-pieces that you think this time you will finally figure out. You won’t. You’ll just get your head stuck farther up the wrong end.

Look outside and give help to someone else, ask for help when you need it, from others, from God, and keep your focus outward.

This exercises your trust. While you are giving, taking care of those around you, you somehow get taken care of in the process. That bit of info you needed drops in somehow, the light bulb finally hooks to the current. Sometimes you even experience a quiet healing without even noticing it. This isn’t easy, and it feels counter to our nature when we’re down, but it works.

Outward focus is also key to effective acting and singing technique.

Cut Yourself Some Slack. I am writing this one to myself. I will go through a day and be completely unaware of all the ways I’ve been cruel to myself, criticized myself, and withheld forgiveness from myself.

In the end, it’s really super prideful because all of these self criticisms are based on the assumption that I know best…I know best what I should be, accomplish, do, etc. I don’t know. I believe God knows, and if I trust myself to Him, He will carry me where I need to be. I didn’t make myself. I’m not making my lungs breathe, my heart beat, or my cells divide, so why do I think I have all the wisdom it takes to direct my path? I don’t.

Think back for yourself on an instance in your own life when something seemed to go very wrong, but in the end turned out to be exactly what needed to happen. Whether or not that was Plan A all along, something unexpectedly good was made from what seemed to be a crappy situation.

So I will commit to you if you will commit to me to lay off the self-meanness as much as I’m aware of it. It ain’t never helpful.

Sing. One of the great delights of my life is hearing my wife, Melissa, sing in the shower. She revels in music. She loves and enjoys it, I believe, at a deeper, higher, fuller level than I, who live by music, do.

There are few things more healing, more beautiful, more a gift than music . And we all have it. This point came home to me so clearly when I had the privilege of performing in Pippin with Deaf West Theatre. Not only did I learn more about storytelling from my deaf colleagues than I ever learned in class or on stage before, but I also saw that we all embrace and feel music whether or not we can hear it with our physical ears.

We know the world vibrates. Science has shown us what appears solid is not solid at all but made up of all kinds of intricate, mystifying energy. It’s a miracle, and so is our gift to sing. Music is a higher reflection of what’s going on around us all the time. Why do plants thrive when they hear Mozart or Bach? We all know the answer.

So when we practice or perform or just sing in the car, let’s keep that in the forefront of our minds and hearts. We are given the gift of singing, so lets revel in it, appreciate it, and enjoy it.

Happy July, everyone. Thanks so much for reading.

I have been appreciating this whole new “first world problems” meme that’s been circulating, hearing it a lot from clients as they tell me about an audition that went awry or and agent acting crazy.

“I know,” they say. “First world problems.”

Before I go on, let me say that there’s nothing wrong with needing to fix a first-world problem. If you cut your finger, you don’t forego a bandaid because somewhere else someone’s bound to have lost an arm.

But with that said, I think it’s really important as artists to see and appreciate all the blessings that we stand on and live our daily routines completely blind to.

For starters: health, food, shelter, breath, sight, hearing, speech, the computer or handheld device you are reading this on, and indoor plumbing.

A big ole trap that we creative types can fall into (especially if we live in one of the big metropolitan areas where narcissistic neuroses are in fact encouraged) is to get really focused on ourselves and how well our career/artistic development/professional life is or isn’t going.

If I could give you one sure-fire recipe for internal hell, it’s to think about yourself all the time.

That’s the real first-world problem, our crazy self-focus.

We sleep-walk and assume that our health, food, shelter, and DVR’s are givens. We’re surrounded by so much abundance in this country that we become desensitized to it and start to think we are self-sufficient. It’s not real.

No matter what your spiritual world view is, we all have to admit that we are not currently making our hearts beat, our lungs breathe, and our cells subdivide. There is mysterious, miraculous stuff going on, and we walk around completely emptied of our sense of wonder. We get lulled to sleep by the very gifts around us that could make us grateful.

So, the point to all this is if we want to be happier, more peaceful, more joyful human beings (and thereby more productive artists) let’s be grateful for every little thing we can.

Next, let’s turn our focus outward to one another. Who can you pick up the phone and call today and say, “You were on my mind. How are you?”

Third, let’s just remember that the fact that we can even take a voice lesson, an acting class, attend an audition, means that we have been given so many benefits that have led us to this new place and the challenges we have the privilege to contend with.

We are not self-sufficient. We are dependent every moment on the gifts we have been given. My hope for me and for all of you is that we live and work out of that place of wow and gratitude.

Have a great May everyone!

It happened at a coaching. I had overbooked my week with teaching and other personal commitments, so I gave myself zero time to practice (or to grocery shop or to do laundry or to breathe).

The day of my appointment, I allowed myself about twenty-seven minutes to drive from North Hollywood to Los Feliz on a Friday evening at 5pm…in the rain.

For those of you who do not live in LA, I can sum up what happens to Angeleno motorists when the mysterious moisture pellets begin falling from the sky at rush hour: abject panic, mob rule, and gridlock.

I was a good twenty-five minutes late. “Hello Self-Sabotage, my name is Dan.”

It didn’t get much better. Here is a sampling of some of the thoughts that pounded through my brain during the coaching: “You are never going to make it through this aria,” “This is clearly way too hard for you,” and “You need to stick with musical theatre where you actually know what you are doing.”

Then there was what I heard from Bill, my coach, who is an operatic encyclopedia. I seriously don’t know how you could have a better coach. He knows most of the repertoire by memory, and in any language in which any opera was written, he’s fluent.

So, in concert with my own mind-cacophony, I was hearing (all in the spirit of tough love, I must add), “Legato!” “Did you practice? What exactly DID you practice?” and “Which end of the elephant did that sound come out of?”

Finally, when the ordeal was over, Bill gave me a hug and said, “Don’t be discouraged,” and sent me on my way.

When I sat down in my car, I thought a couple of things:
1. “Wow, this opera stuff requires actual work, time, and practice.”
and
2. “Why am I doing this? Why am I working on the opera again?”

That question I answered pretty quickly…Why?…Because I love the music as well as the experience of singing with my whole voice. Opera is the only place that affords that. It’s also giving me some great tools to pass on to all of you. And it’s also an opportunity for me to face some of my own self-doubt demons head-on.

The first thought…about actually practicing with quality focus and intention…took me into my voice lesson with my singing teacher, Renee Sousa. PS if you want to work your classical singing technique, email me, and I will get you her info. She’s wonderful.

When I shared with Renee the tale of the hot mess I had become in my last coaching, it opened the conversation up to deeper things…namely why I get daunted when it comes to practicing and I give up before I begin.

None of us want to practice.

Not when its framed in the form of a DISCIPLINE, or something we HAVE TO do.

Renee told me about when she would commit to exercise and her health. She said that if she didn’t want to go to the gym, she’d just tell herself, “Well, I’ll just put on my sweats.” Then after that, she said, “Well, maybe I’ll go chill in the sauna or the whirlpool at the gym.” Then as soon as she got in the door, she was off and running on her workout.

So Renee suggested to me that when I go to practice, I just tell myself, “I’m going to vocalize just for five minutes.” Then see what happens after that…I can tell you from experience that once the engine gets revved, I’m ready to sing and have a good time, taking my time and working in a focused, helpful way.

It also sets up a space in your head where you know it’s most beneficial to go in small chunks, rather than feeling daunted by the task of the entire aria, song, monologue, novel, checkbook, tax return, or whatever.

I also had a great conversation with her regarding the practice of technique. When I work with Renee, she helps me so quickly. Everything gets lined up, and effortless singing ensues. Then I wonder how to find and recreate this in my own practice.

Renee compared it to burying a treasure chest in the desert. You go back to find it, and it may take you a few hours to locate where you buried it. The next visit, maybe less time, and so on. Until you have visited the site enough that you know exactly where the gold is buried every time. That is building technique, and it requires many visits.

But I have to say, the idea of saying, “I’m just going to sing a couple of scales, that’s all,”…It’s effective.

Notice where it’s helpful in other areas of life. Today when I was working out, I said, “I’m just going to do this one set. I can do that.” Until I had completed them all after an hour.

Final point is…I’m learning a ton from confronting all of this. I’m growing by doing something new and unfamiliar, and I’m gaining so much experience from the field to share with you all…not to mention compassion for your plight when you are in the middle of working out your own technique.

We are fellow travelers. I get to circle back and walk the road with you that I have covered. And in the meantime, I keep seeking out those teachers who can show me the way on roads I haven’t yet traveled.

2013…let’s remember why we sing, why we perform, and why we decided it would be a good idea to dive into this crazy business. Or maybe it’s a good time to ask yourself these why’s for the first time.

I will give you a clue from my own experience, though…Whether or not we get paid, whether or not we make it on Broadway, whether or not we win awards…WE GET TO SING. We have lungs and a voice. We get to open our hearts and share the love of God with people through music. And that, itself, is its own reward.

Happy 2013 to you all. Let’s make this year about sharing the gifts we have been so generously given.

It’s a word most of us no likey, but I will put money on it being the thing that’s standing between us and the lives we were created to have.

Okay, so first let’s get over our knee-jerk reaction to this word.

Discipline derives from the Latin word disciplina (instruction) and disciplinus (a learner). It’s also related to the word disciple, which in the original Greek (mathetes) means a pupil or an apprentice to a master craftsman.

So check that out. Discipline really means learning, being apprenticed by someone who knows what they are doing.

As performers, the wonderful thing is that there is always something to learn, and always someone to learn from.

Like I said last month, I’ve been working on my opera sangin’…I’ve found a coach and a teacher who are truly master craftsmen. They actively work in the opera world and know a lot more than I do. I’m growing and learning week to week, I’m doing what they say, practicing, and I’m able to use that in my own performing (musical theatre and classical) and paying it forward to my clients.

Another great example of discipline for me is one of my teachers and mentors, Betty Buckley. Betty is a master at what she does, and that’s because she never stops working on it. Her work ethic is incredible. She is always studying, always seeking to be better, always finding the best people to give her the best tools. I would call Betty a master craftsman. That’s why I still use what she taught me eleven years ago when I studied with her (was an apprentice) in NYC. A master craftsman continues to work. That’s why she’s a master.

Ok, here’s how you break down discipline into practical terms for yourself. This is also a recap from last month, but worth repeating.

What are they? Family, friends, spiritual life, career, financial, etc. What’s in your gut? Pay attention over time as well to what might be buried and keeps coming to the surface. You might be surprised.

From your priorities, your goals will flow. Let’s say you want to invest more into your relationships. And in my opinion, relationships come before your career.

Some goals might be to take a friend out for dinner who’s going through a tough time, babysit for friends who have kids who can use a date night, or writing a just-because card to a member of your family you haven’t connected with in a while. Simple things-and you can easily see how you can translate this over to your career goals.

Now you have to do these things consistently over a period of time. And like I said before to all my fellow approval junkies, get a good friend who will hold your feet to the fire. Find a mentor who you want to make proud. Approval-seeking can be turned into a positive force in our lives.

This is just a sketch, but what’s most important to take away is that discipline is the foundation that your life structure can be built upon. We would never want to live in a house without a sound foundation and structure, yet we look at our structure-less lives and say, “Why isn’t this working?”

It’s like singing a song in the wrong key and choosing whatever lyrics you want. Doesn’t work.

So spend some time with this. Just pick one or two areas to focus on, and see what happens!

That means about twenty hours of quality practice per week for ten years.

I’ve definitely not reached that, and I’ve been at this for way more than ten years.

The good news is that most of us are not trying to be world-class…the Tiger Woods/Bill Gates/Serena Williams of musical theatre performance.

Most of us want to work consistently, doing good work with good people in good theatres.

• Write at the top of the page, “Long Term Priorities.”
• Write one third down the page, “Fires to Put Out.”
• Write two thirds down the page, “Daily Tasks.”

The A-word is key here. Accountability. Most of us performers are such people pleasers that this actually works in our favor.

If we set up a structure where we have to check in with a friend who is also working on their goals or a really good teacher, we are going to move forward.

Then once we’ve knocked out that long term goal by following small daily tasks, we’re ready to make a map for the next one.

I can even say that I PROMISE you…if you will take the few hours to sit down and chart this for yourself, post it where you will see it regularly, be intentional about it, and surround yourself with people who will kick your ass if you don’t deliver, you WILL see results.

Your skill will solidify. You will grow as a person. And then the You you are bringing into the audition room is someone a director is going to want to work with.

Happy September everyone!

I saw my Aunt Sherri last week. She lives in Sumter, SC, where the summer heat may be the most unforgiving of any place I’ve ever been. She was telling me about her garden which has been a challenge to keep cultivated in the scorching summer sun. She was really proud of one of her summer squash plants. Not once did it wilt in the sun because she kept it watered religiously.

We all need rest. We all need to step back and take time to be still.

It’s in these times that we finally have enough space to see, perhaps, that we’ve let our priorities get caddywompus.

We need times of inactivity to reflect on and plan for our times of activity. As performers, we need times of quiet to sit back and see where our passion to perform, our careers, our dreams, fit into the whole picture of our lives.

We are often prone to putting our careers and achievements at the top of our lists. If I book a Broadway show, if I get a TV series, if I win a certain award….

We know these things are thrilling, but when you are getting ready to check out of this life, are you going to say, “Bring me my Tony Award?” I really hope that’s not what you are asking for.

It’s tough to rest in America. Especially in a place like Los Angeles or New York, where a neurotic drive to achieve is not only allowed, but fed and encouraged. We think if we aren’t DOING, then nothing will get done. We tie our value as people so tightly to what we are accomplishing professionally.

Go to a party with other performers or people in the biz, and play a game…count how many times you are asked, “What are you working on?” or “What’s next?” Then add to the game by answering the questioner with something completely unrelated to the industry: a trip you’re planning, painting your bedroom, or how your significant other is doing.

And ask them questions that have nothing to do with the industry. You might be surprised what you find out.

Bottom line, take some time to sit, be still, take a nap, know that everything is moving along at the pace it’s supposed to move. Give yourself a break and listen to your heart to know what your real priorities in life are.

And drink lots of water…it’s hot out there y’all. Happy July 🙂

I’m talking specifically about what you do as an actor and singer.

One big reason we go to see theatre and hear people sing is so that we can experience and live the things we are afraid to experience in real life.

Think of your favorite actors and singers…they make you feel something.

That’s because they are feeling something.

I call it taking the hit, the emotional hit. Being willing to FEEL whatever surprise comes out of telling the story you’re telling.

Our favorite performers aren’t afraid to take the hit. Or if they are afraid, they take it anyway.

Here’s the incredible gift about being a performer. Our feelings, thoughts, and bodies are our tools, so we have to use them to be good at what we do.

Our work nudges us right up against our egos, frozen emotions, and places we don’t wanna feel.

The great thing is that our work actually provides a protective zone where feeling these things is safe.

Nobody knows that the pain you are feeling is linked to the childhood abuse you’re still ashamed about or the thoughtless thing you said to someone that you wish you could take back.

They just know it’s real.

We all have BS detectors.

With feelings, we learn that we’re dealing with sensation….and that’s all…the heart pounding, palms sweating, limbs shaking that we’re defining as a signal that we might die or spontaneously combust….those sensations could be the same response we have riding a roller coaster.

People pay lots of money at Disneyland just to feel those things. We get to feel them for free…and sometimes when we’re lucky, we get paid to feel them.

And that’s why the audience is there. They’re afraid to feel it, so they want you to feel it for them.

That’s why what we do is important, and I will even say that it is healing.

If you can be courageous enough to feel in front of people….and help someone else feel something they’re afraid to feel, you have helped that person.

That feeling is no longer trapped in their guts or back or wherever it happened to be pushed away. And they will leave the theatre that night that much lighter.

The other benefit of taking the hit in your work is that you grow more willing to take the hit in life.

And there is a gift in that….if you are willing to feel the pain, you are also willing to learn from it, change, and grow….

…and guess what? That’ll make you a much better performer.

See how that works?